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Red Sox announce new plans for Fenway
Major League Baseball returns tonight with the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees kicking things off in Boston. In the spirit of the new season The Onion takes a look at the Sox’s plans to return...
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Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
Another hard-hitting report from The Onion. Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
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NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line
Seems the NHL is prepared to make some dramatic changes to try to bring in new fans to the sport.* NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line *If only this was true I...
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Thousands Of Girls Match Description Of Missing Sorority Sister
The Onion takes a dig at the lives of sorority girls with this special report. Thousands Of Girls Match Description Of Missing Sorority Sister
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Ben Roethlisberger One Win Away From Being Good Person
We take a break from out regular content to bring you this special report from The Onion. Ben Roethlisberger One Win Away From Being Good Person
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Facebook is the CIA’s greatest success
Why is Facebook so successful? The Onion News Network takes a look at the CIA’s most profitable information gathering program: “One of the key reasons is that the CIA has been so thorough in convincing...
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Too much Katherine Heigl is never a good thing
Don’t believe me? Check this report from the Onion News Network. In Freak Accident, 34 Katherine Heigl Films Released At Once
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Today Now! interviews the 5-year-old screenwriter of Fast Five
Last night Mr. Sparkle and I attended a screening of Fast Five, the latest of the The Fast and the Furious franchise. You’ll have to wait until Friday for the review, but to wet your appetite we will...
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Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds
Breaking news from The Onion. Report: Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds
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New study explains why Comic Sans is so hilarious
The Onion News Network reports that Princeton University psychologists of the Center for Brain, Mind, and Comic Sans have uncovered the reason why the typeface is so damn funny. New Study Explains Why...
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Apple Announces Steve Jobs 2.0
Apple users need fear no longer now that Apple has announced Steve Jobs 2.0 is on the way.
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Tim Tebow’s Success Inspiring Other Teams To Start Shitty Quarterbacks
The Onion News Network pundits discuss the Astros, the end of the NBA lockout, and how Tim Tebow’s Success is Inspiring Other Teams To Start Shitty Quarterbacks.
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Introducing Arby’s Grab-N-Go
Arby’s has introduced its new $2.99 Grab-N-Go Meal Deal which allows customers “to go behind the counter at any franchise location and grab as much roast beef as they can with their bare hands” for $3....
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Here comes Mingmei
Check out The Onion’s latest scoop that Tyler Perry has an entire new movie franchise on the way. Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother
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The Onion’s interview with the man behind Nicolas Cage’s career
For more than 30 years puppeeter Glen Soziak has been delighting audiences with his work behind the scenes operating the lifelike puppet known as Nicolas Cage. Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage...
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The Onion examines the real “fun” of March Madness
“The first and last big memory of adulthood for almost all of these young men will be failing in front of a national audience.” Welcome to March Madness. Nation Abuzz With Prospect Of 18-Year-Old Boys...
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Broncos receivers worried about Peyton Manning
It turns out that not everyone is happy to see Peyton Manning as a Bronco. The Onion reports the Broncos current receivers are worried that they will be forced to prove they can actually catch passes...
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Ron Paul’s Whimsical Jalopy
The Onion News Network reports on Ron Paul courting voters in his huffing, puffing, whimsical steam-powered vehicle. Ron Paul Makes Campaign Stop In Whimsical Jalopy
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Breaking Comic News from The Onion
Check out all the comic book related new stories The Onion has for you including a hopelessly overweight Captain America, Green Lantern’s displeasure at his Six Flags roller-coaster, and the fact that...
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What Is Your Amateur Porn Telling Employers About You?
The Onion takes a look at What Your Amateur Porn Is Telling Employers About You. Funny, but certainly NSFW.
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