Today Now! interviews the 5-year-old screenwriter of Fast Five
Last night Mr. Sparkle and I attended a screening of Fast Five, the latest of the The Fast and the Furious franchise. You’ll have to wait until Friday for the review, but to wet your appetite we will...
View ArticleEconomy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds
Breaking news from The Onion. Report: Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds
View ArticleNew study explains why Comic Sans is so hilarious
The Onion News Network reports that Princeton University psychologists of the Center for Brain, Mind, and Comic Sans have uncovered the reason why the typeface is so damn funny. New Study Explains Why...
View ArticleApple Announces Steve Jobs 2.0
Apple users need fear no longer now that Apple has announced Steve Jobs 2.0 is on the way.
View ArticleTim Tebow’s Success Inspiring Other Teams To Start Shitty Quarterbacks
The Onion News Network pundits discuss the Astros, the end of the NBA lockout, and how Tim Tebow’s Success is Inspiring Other Teams To Start Shitty Quarterbacks.
View ArticleIntroducing Arby’s Grab-N-Go
Arby’s has introduced its new $2.99 Grab-N-Go Meal Deal which allows customers “to go behind the counter at any franchise location and grab as much roast beef as they can with their bare hands” for $3....
View ArticleHere comes Mingmei
Check out The Onion’s latest scoop that Tyler Perry has an entire new movie franchise on the way. Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother
View ArticleThe Onion’s interview with the man behind Nicolas Cage’s career
For more than 30 years puppeeter Glen Soziak has been delighting audiences with his work behind the scenes operating the lifelike puppet known as Nicolas Cage. Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage...
View ArticleThe Onion examines the real “fun” of March Madness
“The first and last big memory of adulthood for almost all of these young men will be failing in front of a national audience.” Welcome to March Madness. Nation Abuzz With Prospect Of 18-Year-Old Boys...
View ArticleBroncos receivers worried about Peyton Manning
It turns out that not everyone is happy to see Peyton Manning as a Bronco. The Onion reports the Broncos current receivers are worried that they will be forced to prove they can actually catch passes...
View ArticleRon Paul’s Whimsical Jalopy
The Onion News Network reports on Ron Paul courting voters in his huffing, puffing, whimsical steam-powered vehicle. Ron Paul Makes Campaign Stop In Whimsical Jalopy
View ArticleBreaking Comic News from The Onion
Check out all the comic book related new stories The Onion has for you including a hopelessly overweight Captain America, Green Lantern’s displeasure at his Six Flags roller-coaster, and the fact that...
View ArticleWhat Is Your Amateur Porn Telling Employers About You?
The Onion takes a look at What Your Amateur Porn Is Telling Employers About You. Funny, but certainly NSFW.
View ArticleRomney’s Terrifying Google Search History Leaked
The Onion breaks the news on just what the Presidential hopeful spends his time googling. Romney’s Terrifying Google Search History Leaked
View ArticleThe GOP’s best hope for 2016
With President Barack Obama reelected and back in office for another four years, The Onion takes a look at the early front runner for the Republican nominee for the Presidential race of 2016: a...
View ArticleApple Promises To Fix Glitches In Map Software
The Onion reports that Apple has come to an unusual solution to problems of their iPhone Maps application by rearranging the Earth’s geography to match the inaccuracies of their software. Apple...
View ArticleThe Hobbit stays faithful to Denny’s Menu
The Onion reports how Peter Jackson was careful not only to make sure The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey stayed true to not only J.R.R. Tolkien’s original work but also the The Hobbit-themed Denny’s...
View ArticleDisorganized, manipulative, and extremely dangerous sociopaths enter Congress
Not sure this exactly qualifies as “breaking news” (as it seems to happen in Washington D.C. every day of the week), but the short video still worth a look for fans of The Onion. Authorities On Alert...
View ArticleUSA Network’s upcoming 90 new shows
The Onion takes a good-natured poke at USA Network’s increasing number of hour-long dramas. You can find the embed after the jump due to the video’s stupid autostart.
View ArticleHP Offers ‘That Cloud Thing’
It tuns out HP is the perfect cloud solution for “emails, facebooks, texting, and CD-ROMs.” Who knew? (Hidden after the jump because of the auto-start.) HP Offers ‘That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking...
View ArticleThe magic of Downton Abbey
Starfix speculates on whether or not fans of Downton Abbey may finally get to see the wizards using their powers this season. Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their...
View ArticleThe Onion’s tour of the Olympic Village
Here’s The Onion’s Olympic Village Tour: See Where The Athletes Live, Train And Fuck Each Other.
View ArticleNFL Concludes Ex-Players Taking Their Own Lives Because ‘They Miss Football...
NFL Concludes Ex-Players Taking Their Own Lives Because ‘They Miss Football So Much’
View ArticleNew Humane Head-Ripping-Off Machine
Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine
View ArticleAll Modern Narratives Derived From Classic Alien Vs. Predator Conflict
Literary Study Finds All Modern Narratives Derived From Classic ‘Alien Vs. Predator’ Conflict
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